Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Afraid to Write

For the past couple of weeks, I have been afraid to write. Things have been going good with POF.... really good. Any "bumps in the road" that we come across are out of our control... i.e. his ex wife, but I've been afraid to write about what has been going on out of fear. Fear that it will end, or turn out to not be real, like many of my past relationships. Fear that I will jinx what I have with POF.

I have built up a lot of walls and defenses over the course of my dating life. I meet a guy, fall for him, open up my heart to him, get dumped, get hurt. A wall goes up. I meet another guy, question his motives just slightly longer but fall for him anyway, open up, get dumped, get hurt. You get the idea. It's like shampoo.....shampoo, rinse. repeat. It just keeps happening over and over again.

When I met POF, I didn't know how to take him. I was so cynical about dating, and "love" that I didn't trust his actions. I was always looking for the signs... he must be lying, right? Playing me to get what he wants, to get me in bed. I was certain as soon as I let my guard down, I would get hurt.

Well.... here I am. *looks around* My guard is down. I opened up my heart to POF. I'm writing about it. *gulp*

We have had an amazing time getting to know each other over the past month and a half. We have spend an entire week together. No work, no other committments... just us. Together. If you spend an entire week with someone, and you don't drive each other insane or get bored to death... I think that's a good sign.

So, as of now..... things are going very well.

Now, I just need to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.