Wednesday, May 27, 2009

He Did What?!

An ex-boyfriend contacted me today to chat. We exchanged pleasantries. The usual "how are you doing?" kind of stuff. He kept asking how I was, and what I've been up to. I wanted to say "I've been SO busy turning down dates from all the hot doctors & lawyers in town!", but I told him the truth... "same shit, different day".
After he realized I was probably leading a life just as exciting as his since he dumped me, he continued to tell me about a new toy he bought. A toy? Hmmm. I was curious. He proceeded to tell me that he had purchased, after much research and countless blog post testimonials, a penis extender.
A WHAT? Penis extender. A $300 Penis Extender! This crazy contraption hooks on to your manhood and stretches it out! He told me he has to wear it 4 hours a day! No wonder he's messaging me to chat, he can't leave the house!
I was a bit shocked at this revelation. We had been intimately involved, and while he was no porn star, he was well within the average guidelines, which most of my prior bf's have been in as well.
The funny thing about this whole scenario is the reason he broke up with me in the first place. His excuse for ending the relationship was that he needed "time to work on himself" (his exact words!). When he told me that, I didn't think the work he was referring to was making his penis larger!
I told him I thought that was pretty funny considering the reason he dumped me. Then he proceeded to say "Well, we really weren't boyfriend and girlfriend...we were just dating, and I haven't asked you out in a while." Excuse me? This was coming from the man who asked me, like a giddy boy in junior high, to "go steady". I said "going steady was for teenagers, and while I was still getting pimples at the age of 35, I'd settle with calling him my boyfriend." So yes, we were boyfriend & girlfriend. You don't have a break up talk about how you need time to work on yourself, and shouldn't be with anyone, if you aren't bf/gf.
Well, I hope he and his new found penis growth will be happy with each other!


  1. I don't know about him, but normally my penis grows without much help. Maybe he's doing something wrong?


  2. *I will refrain from making a comment at CBG*....

    hee hee

  3. Omg no he didn' it when an ex randomly contacts me to tell me he's enlarging his south pole...if I were you, I'd run screaming ;)